I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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