Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize