hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm getting married
To pizza
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
