I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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