I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
