you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize