You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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