my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
