I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
