I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
