finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
