we're blogging at a bar
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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