I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
