five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We have started to decorate penises.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
