Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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