I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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