We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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