dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
