This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
