I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We were destined to go to rehab together
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
