hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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