I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
