tell your sister to shave her snatch
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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