I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
