i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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