woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
