I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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