Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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