Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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