I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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