I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
