dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
