i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He better not be in your backpack
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
