some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
