note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
