i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
