She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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