your parents love me but you hate me
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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