this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
