I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
