Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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