He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
