So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
