i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
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