wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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