I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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