Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Randomize
