I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
