After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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