I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
