you're like a bully in the Christmas story
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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