I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
