So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
