I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
