But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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