Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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