I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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