I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
