well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
