You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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