Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
