Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My vagina is officially offended.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
