Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
