She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Randomize
