I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
