it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
