Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
