Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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