It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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