I think i peed on brittanys purse
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
