She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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