I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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