This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
