My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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