The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
