drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
